monday sept 27, 2021

 hello world

i've started using an app for task management, so i'm going to be blogging once a week now. usually on mondays

i keep  my planner too but the app on my phone has alarm reminders so i'm more likely to get stuff done, i think.

i need structure in my days and weeks or i'll go kind of nuts. depressed and sleeping and eating 24/7 and i really can't let myself do that anymore. or again. or anything.

i went on saturday and helped my parents work on my brother's trailer.

i'm going to go over there again this afternoon and help dad again

i've gained back about 3 pounds from my weight loss and i'm sad and i have decided that i need to quit eating hot pockets because they are addictive and i can't say no to them lol

i might blog more than on mondays but right now i'm just trying to get into the swing of it.

i dont actually have much to say.

my husband and i are planning a trip to his hometown to see his mom in november. a christmas and thanksgiving combined trip, i think. we have to travel almost a whole day to get there so its hard to visit often. I love to travel so i dont mind the trip, and I love my mother in law. she is amazing and sweet and so understanding and patient (my anxiety has me all kinds of weird when i visit her) so i appreciate it.

i'm going to go do so coloring therapy until i go help my dad.

Sept 20, 2021

 So the best thing that's happened is that I got to see the girl I was baby sitting.

When she saw me she said "HEY TAB TAB"

and my heart melted.

she wanted to sit with me and let me hold her and she played with me.

I'm trying to get myself on a house work schedule so I dont lose my mind but it's monday and I'm not even on it yet and it's noon.

I am slowly trying to put together my fall wardrobe but it's just my usual tanks and button ups and jeans and boots. I have a tan skirt that i might wear with tights and boots if i can get some new tights. And another problem is my boots are so worn out I dont know if I wanna wear them. lol

fall gifs

 

Friday Sept 10, 2021

 So much has happened this week, I cant even begin to talk about it. And a lot of it i WONT be talking about because its private business.

The happy note of the week is that yesterday, September 9 was mine and my husband's wedding anniversary.

FIVE YEARS!!!!!

We celebrated with delicious pizza and watching the newest episode of Marvel's "What If...?" show

we thought about going out to eat somewhere nice, but i think we both decided that after everything that's happened this week we should just keep things normal this year.

on top of the events of this week, our anniversary was the day of my pawpaw's funeral last year. so that is also a negative note.

This week is basically cursed. And last week two as far as that goes. Cursed from August 28 until sometime next week basically. lol CURSED I TELL YOU.

one of the few things I can talk about is how I wont be baby sitting anymore and its... kind of devastating.

I dont know what i'm going to do with my time or my days, i dont know how i will stay sane. I've just been sleeping this week since we havent baby sat at all and wont be from now on.

I can still see the little girl, she is the daughter of a friend. but i won't get to be an actual part of her life anymore. and its really... its really upsetting. I had grown so attached to her... the funny things she does, the way she says "tab tab" or the adorable way she loves this one little stuffed animal we have here, it's a monkey. and she goes "MONKEY" and we ask her wheres monkey and she gets distraught and all looking for it like oh no where is he and its so precious. She puts monkey to "nite nite" when its bed time and its just... all these little things she does has filled my heart up with so much love and now i dont know what i'm gonna do without her being here most of the week.

I haven't let myself have an actual good cry over it. I've cried but not a real ugly good mind clearing cry.

My plan is to wait a week or two and visit her and take her the monkey stuffed animal and surprise her with it and visit her.