sept 28, 2022 ---wednesday

Last weekend my husband and I went to red lobster for a dinner date on saturday and that was lovely, i was able to find something on the menu that i felt ok eating.

on sunday we met his grandmother for her birthday at a restaurant, and since i'm in some sort of a relapse on my eating disorder it was a very tough time for me. this restaurant  didn't have their calories on the menu and the portion sizes were iffy but i managed to handle it... i wasn't very pleasant and i feel bad because i know i ruined his grandmothers birthday.  i love his grandmother and if it wasn't that we dont know how many more birthdays she will be around for... i would have probably skipped the gathering because of how i am lately because of food. but i didn't want to miss what could be the last time she has a little party on her birthday. and i'm sorry i was such a downer with my mood and irritability. the restaurant and noise and food was just a lot for me at that time.

i was much better on the day before, saturday. 

i think maybe it was that is was two days in a row.

this weekend we are meeting my husband's father for lunch on saturday so i have another hurdle i have to jump over... and then hopefully nothing else troubling until the holidays???

i have been cooking dinner every night for weeks now and i am so happy!

i really enjoy the meal planning on sunday and the organization of it all. it makes me feel useful and happy!

I ended up cancelling my endoscopy because of the bill they were going to send us. I am doing mostly ok with the medications I am taking right now so I just need to meet the Gastroenterologist to tell her what is happening and to get her to write refills of the medications she has prescribed me. i ended up re trying another over the counter medicine and it seems to be working with my new diet (i'm eating less and avoiding reflux aggravating foods) so i think i can manage on what i am taking now. if i have any new pain or anything i will let them know but i think i am ok. and not doing that endoscopy is going to save us a LOT of money. i cant even imagine spending that much money on a test to tell me when i know i already have just because i am at a new doctor. i dont know.

my husband has been dieting and is doing great and i am so proud of him!!! i hope he can keep it up, i will do my best to cheer him on if i can.

i have a lot of house cleaning to do on friday to make sure the apartment looks ok saturday.

the weather has been amazing here lately. nice and cool. a little breezy. i've been trying to go for walks every afternoon if i can. sometimes i see people who make me nervous and i end up coming back inside. but i've just been walking on the sidewalks around the apartment complex. for about 20 mins at a time. should go up to 30 mins but i just get really paranoid that people are watching me. and it makes me feel really uncomfortable.

i've been having trouble falling asleep lately. i dont know what to do. i need better ear plugs or something maybe