november 12, 2024

Its been a while and im sorry about that. Ive been in a huge funk. I cant quite figure out what needs to happen with my meds but whatever is going on now isnt it. 

I have an appointment with a new psych next week to hopefully get away from the horrible one im seeing now. 

The highlight of my days is that i get to be in band this December. Last year i couldn't because my family's Christmas was on the day of the concert. But this year its working out that i can do it. The music is kind of hard though so I'm gonna need to practice more than normal. 

Also im a bit sad that im not sitting next to any of my friends in rehearsal. Takes a lot of fun out of it but hahaha.... Maybe the director split us up because we talk too much. 😂

Beau is loving the colder weather because he gets to wear his fleece pajamas. He gets all warm and cozy. Wants to cuddle a bunch. 

Im supposed to get a new phone soon. It would have already happened but the damn store was closed last Sunday. My current phone is the absolute worst thing. 

I have a library book due later this week and i havent finished it. Im not sure if i want to recheck it or just write down what page im on and check it out later. Im reading the Bridgerton books so i can be into the show more so i have some time to read it before the next season. In the meantime i have two books to read. One of them is a collection of three smaller books. And the other is a book published by a friend i met online like...over 20 years ago? God its been a long time since we all met in 1999.

Im really upset about the election. I cant believe Americans voted for a criminal rapist fascist wanna be dictator. Like he has all the red flags. I am scared for women and the LGBTQ community. I am scared dor immigrants and minorities. I am mostly just damn scared.

We are on the brink of civil war at this point. I fear for the safety of my friends and family. 

The people who voted for trump most likely were brain washed by Fox news. Faux News. Its funny trump hates "fake news" but his support is fox and they are the creators of actual fake news.

Tonight i planned on staying awake and playing Stardew valley but i cant get my drive up so im updating here instead. 

Relearning to play Clarinet

 Let me tell you. I had so many people tell me i wouldn't be able to play clarinet after I got dentures. and they were wrong! if you want to play badly enough it can be done. I have made massive improvements and I am not even fully healed and i also don't have my final set of dentures yes I will get them in January.

I have started using my computer again lately and i am relearning to type. It feels so good to actually type on a key board.

I have recently switch to using a milk alternative. Almondmilk and it works well for me. I dont really care what it is as long as its not milk. My stomach does not like milk. At all.

It has gotten colder and we dressed Beau in his winter fleece pajamas and he is so happy and warm and cozy. I think it helps his anxiety. He feels like he is being hugged

he is a little cuddle bug and its precious.

on Oct 3rd it was his 2nd birthday. i baked him pumpkin cupcakes with peanut butter icing!!! he absolutely loved it!

i feel so much better lately

i just.. the new psych nurse is not agreeing with me on my medication and i am having to find a new doctor. I have gotten an appointment with the behavioral health faction of my primary care health provider and I am hopeful things can be done properly. i can't see the new new doctor until late november.

i am planning to vote in this election and i am voting for kamala and it's pissing off my friends and family. my husband understands and some of my friends do. but most people are very... into the orange man. he is not your savior and you are in a cult. laugh emoji goes here.

i am smiling

I put makeup on and did my hair! 

a REAL smile!

it was cold enough this morning to wear my new sweatpants. Love Bluey!

I CAN SMILE AGAIN!

 ok so i wanted to post a picture from my phone that's google photos synced and blogger isn't letting me. so weird.

I have a smile again!

I think the blogger app lets me post photos. something is wrong with the interface here for making posts.

I have not played clarinet yet but I am going to band on Sunday. I dont have to play just yet, the director said I could just sit in and look through the music. I can't properly try to play until I can use the fixodent to hold my dentures in place.

time lapse---- 

ok

i did just play without fixodent and i can play the lower register ok, but above the break is the problem.

I just. i have to prove everyone wrong. I have to be able to play. I HAVE TO.

and when I succeed I will speak out about playing with dentures and how it can be done because apparently everyone thinks its impossible! i might not be able to play like i used to but i can still play. i just did it! i know i can do it. all i need is time and healing and then fixodent. 

photo post late july 2024

Made myself a bracelet with memory wire and whipped gemstone/glass beads

There was a community yard sale but we didn't get to sell hardly any of our stuff

I took this picture to say "its serious business" when i take off my rings. In this case, Beau was going to get a bath. 

August 1, 2024

 I haven't updated in so very long and it's because my life has been a shit show.

I had to quit band, I'm getting my teeth cut out and... Dentures at the age of 38.

We have the dentures right now so that part is done, now we just need to see the surgeon and the closest date we could get was August 9th.

but... after that i hope i can (after a period of healing time) pick the clarinet back up and play. I hope i can play in the fall concert. I know I can't do the christmas one because i will be in alabama.

i have some pics to post.

but my computer isn't working properly. kind of a bummer.

my chromebook is out of date and we are going to get my a window net book next time.

i am having pain in the same place i had pain with my kidney stones but I am not about to let that shit happen so i am using my will power to make it be something else.

it's not so bad and i think if it was a stone it would be getting worse and it doesn't seem to be doing that.

ok so lets talk politics.

i have never voted before but i have just registered to vote because i swear to god of Trump is president again i will lose my mind. Kamala Harris needs to be the next president. And Andy needs to be her VP candidate.

its been a while

A lot has happened. I have stopped going to band because i never know when my teeth are going to hurt. So i have borrowed a keyboard from my friend and i am waiting to get the piano books so i can play again. So i have Nothing to do. Which is bad for me. 

I recently was in the hospital for a day with vomiting blood and that seems to be sorted as much as it can be without racking up another huge medical bill. 

Yesterday we went to see my husband's mom and family to celebrate a kate mother's day and memorial day and his birthday all at once. It was a pretty good time. We also saw his cousin and his now wife. We adore them both and are excited they finally decided to get married. 

Bridgerton just happened and there are more episodes coming in a month or two and i am so very excited. 

I have been "taking it easy" and letting my body heal from profusely vomiting multiple times. And the blood vomit. 

I know i should update this more but i think i am gonna make this url into a social media link tree kind of thing. 

Another project for another day i suppose. 

time keeps on slippin slippin slippin... into the future

 so i have lost track of time in an absurd way.

i had always updated this blog every two weeks or so. but it been QUITE a hot minute now

i haven't been in the best of mental health and that is probably why.

a lot of my plans for 2024 got nipped in the bud, as they say.

Beau is still here and he is my little baby boy. He is curled up next to me right now.

Lilly has become distant but sometimes she puts her foot down and demands mom time

I am still playing in the community band for now but will be taking off the next concert set because i need to get dental work done and i dont know how long it will take for me to recover.

there is a slight chance i might not be able to play clarinet anymore after this happens and it has thrown my mental health into the GUTTER.

I had hoped to drive to alabama this spring and see my family but i can't get my car fixed and everytime we have money something comes up.

that's life though.

my mom finally sold nana and pawpaw's house.... i am very sad about it but it is a great house and needed to be lived in. and in such a small town-- the person who bought is was a classmate of dad's and ALSO one of my old friend's dads. Leslie and I were besties when i worked at shop and save and she said she walked through the house and was flooded with memories of our friendship and that the bedroom i stayed in is being done for his kids when they visit. 

literally couldn't ask for a better ending than that, you guys!

i'm gonna photo dump here for a bit.

we took beau to the groomer and he got his hair did. he looks like such a cutie pie with his short hair.

he looks SPUNKY!

pic showing how long my hair is now!!!! i hate my face so i scribbled it out.

i reworked my memorial in animal crossing for mawmaw, nana, and pawpaw. it looks much better now, in my opinion

my band mate Kathy gave me this pop up card for my birthday and i thought it was just the neatest thing. it's in my journal along with my card from Melanie and the one fro my mom and dad

HAPPY NEW YEAR

 it's quite a bit late but i have an update 

I have joined the community band once again and I am very happy. i am sad i missed out on the christmas music because of my travel plans

the music this time is easier and we are playing something by Robert W. Smith who passed away this last fall.....

who was a huuuuuge deal in the south and especially at Troy university (where I attended school for two years before my mental health got too bad) I had asked the community band director if we could play something of his to honor him and now we are actually doing it and I am so very happy!

Beau had been a blessing all these weeks, months. he has kept me going when nothing else could.

I finally told my doctor about the coffee ground stool i have been having and it had pushed up a test that i've needed to get done for two years now but i just wouldn't let my husband allocate those funds to my health and..we seem to have met at a point where.... it needs to be done and we will find a way with a payment plan

so that is happening on feb 9

i see my therapist for the last time on thursday. she is leaving MindPsi and will no longer be doing therapy with them after that. it's a mostly just.... tie up loose ends and what not.

the biggest thing is on FRIDAY I am getting my hair cut for the first time in two years.

i have talked to the lady on fb messenger and we seem to get along so i just hope i can get my hair trimmed and taken care of

and now for some photos:::

here's some photos of the boy!

he's a blessing!!!